I'm somewhat jealous. I've been partially left out again and it seems to happen to me quite a bit.

I want to feel like I belong somewhere but I don't seem to have found it. Always feeling out of place and not good enough in some ways. It feels like I'm watching people and not being involved in the fun or the conversation. It's like watching TV..

I'm trying too hard to fit in, aren't I? I'm trying too hard to be somebody that I'm not? I don't have an ounce of coolness. I'm not smart, I just work hard (sometimes). I don't have an 'edge'. I'm trying to play instruments but I can't. I don't have an ounce of musical talent in me. I'm just plain and ordinary.

But I don't want to be plain and ordinary. I want to be somebody and do something(s). I don't want to settle for plain and/or ordinary. I don't want to have to keep convincing myself that I'm something... It's very tiring...

Darn it! Apologies, if I'm not making any sense. I am having one of those annoying moments and there's a tornado in my head. It's the odd sleeping habits. That must be it...